Monday, November 23, 2015

The absurdity called life

A couple of weeks back, something terrible happened to a dear friend. He broke his femur bone while out on a run on what looked like a fine Saturday morning. The incident was so bizarre that it left all of us wondering about the uncertainty  of life. The femur (the bone connecting your hip joint to your knee) happens to be the strongest bone in the body. It is very difficult to break it even if you are in a serious road accident.  My friend while jogging spotted a partially open manhole and swerved to try and avoid it. While doing so, he toppled on the sloped road. That’s really all that happened.

Next thing he knew, he is bed ridden with a huge cast, and a metal rod running through his leg in parallel to his femur with a million uncertainties about when he can begin living life as he knew it. He is by far the most social person I know, an active trekker and an extremely outdoorsy sort of guy.

This incident left me disturbed for several reasons, but primarily for the pain that such a dear friend has to go through. It also bothered me because it seems that the life that we so carefully try and put together is nothing but a bundle of absurdities. From childhood we grow up on a diet that life is some sort of a challenge with increasing difficulty levels. If you play your cards right, consistently do the grunt work, that challenge will start shaping up into a beautiful symmetry.

So since childhood this is what I did. I kept at it, telling myself that I will do better tomorrow. I always had a vision for a purposeful life, a life where I do work that I want to, and am in relationships that are meaningful. Obviously, my life was far from perfect but then there was always this lure that it will turn a corner. Brick by brick, I was putting together a life that was promised to me by important adults (successful people, celebrities, etc.), magazines and movies. And then came the news that rendered all of this meaningless. That made no sense and in a way told me loud and clear who’s the boss.

So today here we are, my friend and I and so many like us who have suddenly been thrown off the track wondering what to do next. I am not suggesting this in a sad or depressing way; far from it. If anything I am amused by it. These few months in my life have helped me unlearn many things I’d learnt about life. Today I just felt like putting together some of it.

1. You can only control as much in life: This is especially significant for control freaks like me. We may sit down to plan things to the minutest details but then one has to remember we are not living in isolation. Our lives exist within larger ecosystems and they all have a say in what will happen to us. We are a generation who are fed on a diet of "if you put your mind to it, you can achieve it". This
may be good for world progress and economic development but forgetting human frailties is stupid.

2. Cultivating acceptance will help us in the longer run: this can begin slowly, but acceptance like many other things is a habit that gets better with more practice. Some may feel it is a passive view of life but I truly believe that in the times we live in, change comes quickly. So the longer we take to accept things, the more it would hurt us. A meaningful life is also a life more accepting of sudden disruptions.

3. Find an anchor, and make friends with it. An anchor is what keeps us grounded, and gives us a sense of safety. It can be a relationship or a practice like meditation or running or playing a musical
instrument that you can go back to in troubled times. There should be something that you can turn to
in such times. It helps.

4. Keep ticking items off your life bucket list on a regular basis: Don't put too many things off until you reach a fictional life milestone (like getting a promotion, completing a degree or some such). Keep doing things that you like on a regular basis. Life cannot be lived in capsules of long weekends and mandatory leaves. Every week or so, there has to be something you do that enriches your life.

5. Make life a balance of now and the future: I read about this interesting research study many years back which said that after a devastating event like a terrorist attack or a natural disaster, people's consumption go up. People fear the uncertainty of life and that motivates them to buy that 50 inch TV that they had long been unsure about. There is a certain comfort in planning the future and
let's face it, not all of us are going to die or will have health scares or accidents. Even for such times, the planning that we so meticulously did earlier comes in handy. Having said that, life needs some
today’s and some tomorrow’s. Certain things can't be shelved for too long or they may never happen.

6. Do Good: Such a simple piece of advice but really we all are interdependent on each other more than we would like to be. We are often so immersed in our own drama that we fail to extend our help to a friend, colleague, acquaintance or a total stranger. I guess the good we do to each other is the single factor holding all this together. So do good, even if you are never going to see its returns. It's the rent we are paying for our time on the planet.

That’s all that I can gather right now. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for my friend’s recovery.
A!

4 comments:

  1. I read this through my friend in fb. Just wanted to give it a read and I don't regret those five mints of my time that I gave early morning. Well written n absolutely true :) and my prayers for your frnds recovery

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Aryan. Such kindness brightens my day.

      Delete
  2. Writing just a hi - knowing deeply in my heart that you aren't around to reply. Your take on life, your inner strength made it very easy to many, including me. I lost my mom 7 years ago to Liver Cirrhosis and your writings have made it easier for me to grow in Life through the loss.

    Though we haven't met face to face, I can connect with you a lot. #DeepestGratitude and Respect!!!

    Santosh Gopalkrishnan
    (Vivek's friend and colleague)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Writing just a hi - knowing deeply in my heart that you aren't around to reply. Your take on life, your inner strength made it very easy to many, including me. I lost my mom 7 years ago to Liver Cirrhosis and your writings have made it easier for me to grow in Life through the loss.

    Though we haven't met face to face, I can connect with you a lot. #DeepestGratitude and Respect!!!

    Santosh Gopalkrishnan
    (Vivek's friend and colleague)

    ReplyDelete